The Feel Good Wedding Podcast by Polka Dot Wedding
The Feel Good Wedding Podcast by Polka Dot Wedding
#8 A Romantic Blush Farm Wedding With Sian & Gavin Clark
We all know how planning a wedding can be such a stressful affair. But when the bride is in a wheelchair, that's a whole different level of stress - from choosing and fitting the gown, to finding a wheelchair-accessible wedding venue with adapted restrooms, to needing an expansive dance floor for the wheelchair dance. Throw in the pandemic, and the complexity goes a level higher. But yes, some couples do manage to pull it off. And our guests for this week's episode are one of those couples.
Sian and Gavin's love story is the stuff of dreams. Not only did they get married on Gav's grandparent's 60th wedding anniversary, but they also pulled off a seemingly impossible wedding midway through the pandemic.
In this chat, we discuss:
- How Gavin and Sian first met
- Gavin and Sian's engagement story and how Gavin made the proposal as unique as possible
- How Gavin & Sian decided on the details and vendors for their beautifully romantic wedding day
- Wedding venue accessibility checklist
- Tips on how to find the perfect gown, especially if you're in a wheelchair
- The benefits of asking questions when planning a wedding
- How to successfully host an accessible wedding
- Do's and don'ts for an accessible wedding
We hope you enjoyed and found this episode helpful! We’d love for you to share on your socials and tag @polkadotwedding and help us grow our listening community.
Links & vendors mentioned:
Sian & Gavin’s Romantic Blush Farm Wedding
Top Tips For Making Sure Your Wedding Is Accessible (From Those Who Know!)
Planning A Wedding With A Wheelchair
How To Make Your Beach Wedding Accessible For All Your Loved Ones
Find Sian & Gavin:
On Instagram:
Gavin @gclark91
Sian @sianyc23
Find Dorothy & the Polka Dot Wedding team:
On Instagram: @polkadotwedding
On the website: polkadotwedding.com
For full transcript and show notes visit: polkadotwedding.com/podcast
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The Polka Dot Wedding team is honoured to conduct our work on the land of the BoonWurrung, WoiWorung, Eora and Kuring-gai people. We honour the traditional Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islanders custodians of the land and pay our respects to Elders past & present.
00:02
Dorothy:
Hello and welcome. You're listening to The Feel Good Wedding Podcast by Polka Dot Wedding. My name is Dorothy otherwise known as Miss Polka Dot, and I'm the founder and editor. We believe in seeking out content that is inclusive and diverse so that everyone can see themselves in the stories that we tell. We've done this for 15 years news through the written word, and now we want to have those chats in voice through a podcast. I can't wait for you to see what we have in store.
The Polka Dot Wedding team is honoured to conduct our work on the land of the BoonWurrung, WoiWorung, Eora and Kuring-gai people. We honour the traditional Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander custodians of the land and pay our respects to Elders past and present.
Hello and welcome! We have another real wedding episode for you today, of a real life Polka Dot Wedding couple. We are talking to Gavin and Sian today.
Gavin and Sian had their beautiful day up at Bellingdale Farm in New South Wales and we shared this story in 2021. Not only was it a beautiful day because of the romantic details, the golden light and the incredible views, but it was also a day where, because Sian is a wheelchair user, was beautifully accessible. And Sian worked with us, luckily for us, on a number of pieces about how to have an accessible wedding and how to plan a wedding where you have a wheelchair and it's a little bit trickier.
And so today's discussion goes not just through everything that these two did to plan their day in a day that was truly reflective of them, but it also talked about how the wedding industry can become more accessible. And the little things we overlook for people that are in wheelchairs and for people that do have accessibility issues. And it's a chat that is really well overdue.
We're really committed to the idea that nothing about us, without us, and so it's really important to us that the people who face these issues are the ones speaking on them. So we're really thrilled to have Gavin and Sian as our guests today.
So hello, Sian and Gavin, thank you so much for joining me today.
Gavin:
Hi there.
Sian:
Happy to be here.
Dorothy:
I'm so thrilled to talk to you about your day because I remember it so clearly with all the details and such. And then all the preceding posts that Sian worked with us on. But I would love to get started with telling us about the two of you and how you met. Who's going to go first?
02:21
I'll let Sian go first here. I want to hear her side of things.
02:30
Sian:
We both love Coldplay, we happen to have both taken our mums to the Coldplay concert back in 2016. And I had checked in on Instagram, as we do, and posted a photo with my mom. Gav was looking through the Instagram feed to see the photos and the videos from other people's perspectives. Stumbled across my photo, thought she's a bit alright. And actually, messaged me. He commented first. He commented back and forth a bit. And then he messaged me things we might have been chatting.
03:09
Dorothy:
So it was Coldplay that brought you together. And a bit of internet story. Yeah. So what about you, do you have any input to that one, Gavin?
03:20
Gavin:
No, not really.
03:22
Dorothy:
So she told it right?
03:23
Gavin:
Yes, there was a lot of... Not a lot. There was some wild, wild tendencies of what someone classes as stalking or internet chasing, or whatever you want to call it.
Dorothy:
Okay, just call it romance.
Gavin:
Let's go with romance. A couple of messages backwards and forwards. And then we just kind of, I guess struck it off. And the rest is history, almost.
Dorothy:
And what I love about the two of you and the way that the proposal occurred was, it occurred around something that you both called "levelling up," which I think is really cool, because I love those kinds of stories. So maybe I'll give this one to Gavin to tell. How did this proposal go and how did levelling up play into it?
Gavin:
We refer to all of our milestones, no matter how big or small, as levelling up. We do play a few games together and levelling up becomes part of the game. So we've recently gone unconditional on a property that we're purchasing together. And I'd organised dinner for us to celebrate at Cleveland, the Lighthouse Restaurant. And the original plan was to be there for sunset, but Sian may or may not have have had a bit of a slow day that day. And was taking a little longer to get ready. So we kind of missed that.
But after dinner, we went for a quick walk just around the point there, to the spot where I asked her to actually be my girlfriend, three years prior to that. So we sat down and I asked the question, "Are you wanting to spend the rest of your life with me? Would you like to spend the rest of your life with me?"
And with her typical amount of sass, she responded saying, "Yeah, you got alright." Well, I was not expecting that in the slightest. It kind of threw me out for a bit.
Sian:
It wasn't, "will you marry me?" It was, "are you sure? Are you sure you want to?"
Gavin:
I kind of laughed it off and put a little smack on my face. But we've already levelled up once this week. So how about we do it again? And I got down and asked the question and with a steady amount of tears and emotion and whatnot, Sian said yes.
05:46
Sian:
Finally, after leading you along a little bit. Yes, yes.
05:51
Gavin:
I don't know what came first, the tears or the yes. I think it was kind of both at the same time, maybe.
05:56
Sian:
I think it was the tears first.
05:59
Dorothy:
I feel like no one ever really remembers because it's just a blur. And so you two were originally planning on a New Zealand wedding, but a little thing called a pandemic slash panini slash, whatever we call it anymore, changed those plans. So how did that happen? And how were you forced to change your plans? Was it the lockdowns and such and the travel restrictions?
06:20
Gavin:
So we booked a venue over there, after our recent trip to New Zealand. So we went to Queenstown and had a bit of an excursion around the southern island of New Zealand and fell in love with the light and the location, thinking it was perfect for us. It became obviously difficult when the pandemic and this global issue started to arise. And we started to get really worried. And thankfully, the venue over there was super, super understanding and kind of made it easy for us to, I guess, not withdraw, but they held off for a little bit until we could be certain that we weren't going to be able to make it. So that was really good.
07:09
Sian:
And we were not having to say that we'd be having a disability and not knowing how COVID might impact me that it was just a safer option for not just our guests, but also myself. And now to just call it early.
07:25
Gavin:
Yeah. So we struggled with sourcing the venue and determining exactly how much floor space was actually accessible. It was a difficult point for us, obviously doing everything via Skype with New Zealand as well. But we had to obviously spend a lot of time looking at that kind of thing. And bringing it back home also made it easier for us to do all that sort of stuff. We unfortunately, and Sian, you can probably talk more on this as well. But we unfortunately started to go into a lockdown two weeks before our wedding, which was super concerning.
08:06
But again, global pandemic, what can you do?
08:09
Dorothy:
So your wedding was at Bellingdale Farm. Can you give me the basics? Maybe this one's Sian's turn of when did you decide to get married? Like why did you decide on those dates? How many people did you invite? And how did that sort of basic day unfold in the first place?
08:25
Sian:
Yeah, so we were actually lucky enough to keep our original wedding date, which was really, really special. We knew we wanted to get married on the 23rd because that's actually both Gav's and my birthday. Which is certainly also our anniversary. And when the venue came, the original venue came back with availability April 23rd was an option which Gav just looked at me and was like, "Actually, that's perfect. That's my grandparents' wedding anniversary." They were about to celebrate their 60th wedding anniversary and something just really shifted and Gav was like, "That feels so right to me," and I'm like, "Absolutely, let's do it." They were really flattered by I guess us wanting to kind of continue on the tradition of their love.
And then when we did bring it back over to Australia, we knew we wanted a feel of the outdoors, the rustic, nothing too industrial or the city vibe. And there were a few different options that we did look at, somewhere that would not be accessible throughout just excluded themselves. But Bellingdale and there was another venue as well—were our top two—but one didn't have the 23rd of April, which we did want to keep.
But also just didn't have the accessible accommodation around to house, not only myself but also we wanted the vibe and the joy to not just be a one day thing but a lot of people were going to travel so we wanted the opportunity to spend some prolonged time with them. So we had 100 people at our wedding which for us, that was large. A lot of that was family with close friends.
I guess I was very fortunate to also fall on the Anzac Day, long weekend. So we did have... a lot of people did take the opportunity, just to stay for that extended period and catch up with a lot of people that they hadn't been able to see for a long time. I mean, Bellingdale's beautiful. We ended up finding it through their sister venue, Summergrove Estate. And from that, prior to us even getting engaged, we thought, wow, that's beautiful. Looked at it, saw that it was only a dream that they had created at that stage. But everything that they had advertised and promised just really came to fruition. And it was better than anything I expected. I don't know about you, Gav.
10:57
Gavin:
And when we first originally started having discussions with them, and we organised a visit to go on and see Bellingdale, it was a complete construction site. And you know, there was a hole in the roof where there's a tree been growing through it and there was a massive hole about the size of the dance floor, where the dance floor should be. Like it was a construction zone, and it was muddy. And it took a lot to really see the vision that they were putting together. And it was just what we were after.
11:31
Dorothy:
So you took a bit of a punt on it really. Kind of, yeah. Is the venue where you started with your wedding planning? Because obviously for you, Sian being a wheelchair user, that's the most important thing. Like you don't want to, you know, start with a vision and you can't even execute it. So was that the way you started with your plan?
11:48
Sian:
We sat down and said what are our top three priorities or non-negotiables. So that for us was the venue, we knew that often times finding somewhere that really ticks all the accessible boxes does come sometimes a little bit of a higher price tag and some other places. So that was one of our non negotiables but then also the dress and the guys for photography. So that's where we started.
We knew we wanted to lock in the venue though. So that was really, I would say the first step for us. Once you do that, I guess by virtue of where it is then the vendors who are close, and have any sort of affiliations, or know the venue really well, it made it a lot easier. Bellingdale have a lot of really good connections with people. A new vendor had come in and done their own styling for it, for their dream wedding day. So that was really, really helpful as well.
12:42
Dorothy:
Did you set out with a vision of the atmosphere you wanted for your wedding to have?
12:47
Gavin:
Most definitely we wanted it to be like a fun inclusive open day and weekend in our sense. So because it was the Anzac Day, long weekend, it gave us that opportunity to really have everyone there and spend extended time with you know, we had people coming from Sydney and Northern Queensland and different areas all across the state. So it made it really worthwhile to push and have that family time connected with a very important date.
13:25
Dorothy:
Yeah, so family was the most important thing.
Sian:
Yeah, the venue itself, we wanted to... or the date, sorry. We wanted to have something that was really light hearted. We don't take ourselves too seriously. So we really wanted to date reflect that as well. And I love flowers and all things pretty and we wanted a chill vibe that was just really soft and just went with the flow. I think that was the other thing.
Dorothy:
I think you mastered that. I think as someone that's seen many, many weddings, I think you mastered that.
13:59
Gavin:
And that's something we have to be really careful with. Whenever we try and plan to go anywhere is we have to be able to adapt because Sian does use a wheelchair, you know, plans change and can change so quickly with anything that we go to.
Dorothy:
Where did you start with things like the details. So, you love the pretty which I mean is evident, the whole day was so beautiful. Can we talk about your flowers, the cake, the decor, who did you use, why did you choose them? All that kind of stuff?
Sian:
Well, I think like anybody who decides to get married or plan an event or anything, I started with Pinterest. I had a very detailed Pinterest board that then led to our... I had a wedding planner which then Gav linked into a wedding spreadsheet, for all things budgeting, so that we could keep... we had on One Drive, so that we could both add to it. That's probably where we started with wanting to bring the dream to life.
And that started with finding florists as I said before, they have some really great suppliers or vendors who they have used before, who had really good knowledge of the venue, and had had the opportunity and knew the venue to really play around and get creative. So that gave us a lot of really good inspiration as well to see, you know, what we liked from a whole host of different vendors who have had the opportunity to really play and have fun there, and then choose what we wanted to go with.
Gavin:
I remember us going through, you know, venues do style shoots and that sort of stuff now. And we were like, picking, we'd liked these details and the lights and we really liked that kind of table setting and that sort of stuff. So, you know, the florist from Lola's Wildflowers did a really great job.
You know, I think we added the details on the light arbours two weeks before. Like it was nothing seemed to be an issue for the vendors that we worked with, which was great. Which, it was also, it was really important for us to have Sian's grandparents wedding rings involved as well. And they were attached to her bouquet, at the start of the day, and it made it really, really special. So I guess that's the florist wrap up.
For the cake, it was my cousin who made the cake. So she'd done a few wedding cakes for other family members in the past. And it was almost like, well, that's one space that we can really get creative with with her. And the stuff that she's made in the past was really, really lovely. So we decided on a two tiered wedding cake with four different layers, which was amazing. And there was not a piece of cake left by the end of the weekend. So we had a choc hazelnut and a white choc blueberry base layer. Like a mud cake style. So it was really dense and really, really delicious. And then on the top, we had these two lighter, fluffier layers of a passionfruit and a coconut cake, which was amazing.
17:27
Dorothy:
It's a bit treacherous recording this at lunchtime. Isn't it. Because now I really want cake.
17:33
Gavin:
And even going through, scrolling through my phone, going back looking at some photos and stuff, trying to find information for this podcast about our cake flavours, because I completely forgot what flavours we had. And I went back through in those photos of the cake being sliced and it was oohh yum!
17:53
Dorothy:
You will have to get another one made for like every anniversary. Because you haven't frozen it so you can...
18:00
Gavin:
Yes, definitely. And for all the other miscellaneous stuff we, you know, we went through a couple other local suppliers down there and hired things like charger plates and napkins.
18:12
Dorothy:
And you had Polaroid cameras as your guest books didn't you?
18:16
Sian:
Yeah, that probably was just a last minute add on because we had been umming and ahhing about did. We wanted to have a photo booth. But something that I found across the board, the number of different weddings I've been to, it's all too high. So you get just the forehead in the photo, or I'll try and lift myself up.
18:35
Dorothy:
Of course, that's one thing I've never thought of. Of course.
Sian:
It was something I really wanted. But just, it wasn't really workable. Yeah. So what was a last minute addition actually worked out really well. And then our guests got to take a whole host of photos home and they loved it.
18:56
Gavin:
I think the guests took home more photos than they stuck in the guest book.
19:02
Dorothy:
Always the way, though. Always the way. And I think you had a quite a traditional layout of your day. Did you just had the normal getting ready, ceremony, photos, reception. Was there anything that you switched up? Or is there a reason you wanted to do it that way or anything about the timeline that you can tell me?
19:16
Gavin:
So I'll go first here, when I sort of outlined how I wanted to start the day, being a photographer, I really wanted to get up and be... we stayed at Kingscliff. I would really wanted to be down at the beach for sunrise. It was originally just going to be me and the bridal party or the wedding party. But it soon kind of grew to be my family and then some of Sian's family and then it was like this big event and I was like, I was not expecting that. But the whole concept was everyone gets a little bit nervous on their wedding day. So I thought let's get down, let's do something that I really love which is just sitting on the beach and listening to the ocean and that sort of stuff. And we started the day with maybe a little cheeky nip of a Scotch that I'd picked off the shelf the night before. And it was a really nice way to start the day. It was great. And I know Sian was straight into it with hair and makeup and stuff early on.
20:20
Sian:
I slept the night before with my niece, she was one of my junior bridesmaids. So she stayed the night in our room. And then it all started really, really quickly. Everyone just kind of jumped on me. I had a wedding playlist that was like aaah - I had a wedding playlist that started as soon as we got in the car, and Billy Idol, White Wedding and fist pumping all the way - and it was just, I think everyone was just very amped up on the excitement. And then we had like Gav and my brother's ring. And we fixed our flower girls. Honestly, it feels just so blurry. It went so, so quickly. I remember before I put my bridal gown on, oh my goodness. I haven't shaved my legs yet. So there was one....
21:18
Dorothy:
Just a random things to think about, isn't it.
21:21
Sian:
One of my party came to the bathroom with me, we were shaving my legs together. It was an absolute blur, you never realise how quickly the day goes.
21:36
Dorothy:
Yeah.
21:37
Gavin:
And I can echo that. What felt like starting at five o'clock really early for me, it was wasn't even five o'clock. It was like 6:30, it was all of a sudden 11 o'clock and 12 o'clock we had to be in the venue. Like, how did that time go past. It went just like that.
21:59
Sian:
I think one of the other things that we did that was, we felt really strongly about was going with what traditions in terms of having like the same gender in your bridal party. It was whoever we wanted, who was important to us, that's what we really wanted to reflect.
22:18
Dorothy:
I love that. I think that was like, it was so clear that you were so surrounded by love on your day as well, which I think is like what you want. You don't want to pick certain sides for certain reasons.
22:29
Sian:
Yeah. I think that there was just so much fun to be had on the day. And from the beginning, and when the ceremony started our celebrant for the day just knocked it out of the park. For me, it was one of our stand out vendors, and just his vibe really fit everything that we wanted.
22:50
Dorothy:
Well, that was going to be my big question in there, was telling me about Dave. You segued me right into it. Tell me about David because you two wrote your own vows. Was it really important for you to put your own touch on your ceremony? And did he guide you a lot in that?
23:04
Gavin:
Yeah, definitely. It was it was something that was was really important to us. We really wanted to say our own message and again break tradition and not necessarily follow exactly what was, you know, there are certain parts that have to be said legally, and all that kind of stuff. But we didn't want it to be just a generic ceremony. And Dave was amazing. Like he even made a weekend of it. So he came down and stayed at a place at Cabarita for the weekend. And it was really, really nice. To really kind of set his tone, he came down and met us at Kingscliff. And we're standing in front of the Kingscliff surf club the day before, and we went and did like this little run through of the ceremony and it was so awesome to really have everything sort of set and at ease. He didn't falter once, the whole time. You know, he came over and met us early on in the piece, way before we even really locked in anything else. And he was a recommendation..
Sian:
..from Lewis, who was in my party.
24:18
Dorothy:
Awesome. Well, that's a rave review.
24:23
Sian:
I think just the banter, as Gav mentioned early on, we play some games, one of which is Pokemon. And they just so seamlessly weaved all the little intricacies about us and our relationship so well into painting this beautiful picture in our ceremony.
24:46
Gavin:
And I guess my last point that was the thing that I remember most from him was that day before when he came in and met us, he asked the question, "so this moustache I've got on my face, should I keep it or should I remove it?" And we're like, that's your signature. Why, no, keep it. That's the way it is. Keep that there for sure.
25:09
Dorothy:
Of all the questions you said you were going to ask. I didn't think that would be it.
25:13
Sian:
Yeah, his biggest priority was aiming to please, and being whatever we needed him to be, which I think is a really great attribute for a celebrant.
25:25
Dorothy:
Yeah, yeah. attire, which I know is not as straightforward for you both as walking into a shop and trying on what fits. So let's start with Gavin, who was a little bit more straightforward. What did you wear on the day?
25:37
Gavin:
So we went to MJ Bale and picked up a suit jacket, and some chinos from them. I knew I wanted a really relaxed fit and feel for the whole day. As someone who, when they get nervous, tends to perspire a little bit more than the average person. It was important for me to have something that was cool and easy to change in and out of, or if I had to change a shirt or something like that. So I didn't have a tie on for the day. None of my bridal party, our wedding party had ties on for the day. It was just nice and chilled and relaxed. So again, just went with our nature. The other people in my party, my grooms maid, because that's the kind of people we are. We found her outfit, or Sian found her outfit on a website somewhere. And it was like $25. And we're like, yeah, sign me up. That'll do. And she was really happy with it. So that was really good.
26:43
Sian:
And wore it plenty of times.
Dorothy:
Oh, there you go.
26:47
Gavin:
She's getting some good use out of it. And my best man and his jacket, and everything was purchased through MJ Bale as well, which was really lovely.
26:59
Dorothy:
Awesome. And Sian, I know we've talked about this with you a bit on Polka Dot Wedding. But how did you go about finding a dress?
27:07
Sian:
Well, something that wasn't the non negotiable for me was the dress and that was because I had, before Gavin was even in the picture. When I would think of in the future about my wedding, I always dreaded that whole shopping, trying on wedding dresses, trying any sort of attire really, it's painful in it's quite time consuming. Wedding gowns have so many layers typically. So for me, it's not a one person job either. So I knew from the outset that I wanted to have my wedding dress made.
I had found a wonderful designer by the name of Susan Ogg. And I found her for my best friend and maid of honour, whose wedding was a few years prior when I was in his wedding party, and I approached her to make my dress, and that one of the best decisions I could have made. Because she ended up coming to my house.
When she first made my bridesmaid's dress for my friend's wedding. Mum and dad had... I don't know if Gavin helped me at that stage, but mum and dad would take me up a flight of stairs. So this time around, she was like 'let's not do that again'. It was in really well she came over to my house multiple times. She's so knowledgeable about what fit my body shape, how to cut the fabric when you are sitting down. So it's not bulky. So it's not going to get caught in the wheels. My mom came to every fitting and I had a really close friend who came as well to quite a number of the fittings. So between the three of them, they'd get me into this gown, get out of it - however long. And she was just so open to looking at new options of what could work.
I remember there was one week, one of the final fittings where we were sitting down, sometimes when you have, I had flat heels on my shoes, so sitting down, it pushes your knees a little bit further apart, which I didn't want. So hey, let's just add something bamboo fabric in underneath as the first layer, and that keep the knees together and just sit really well. For someone who prior to me from what I understand, hadn't made a dress for anyone in a wheelchair before, just the knowledge that she possessed and was able to bring to the table to work with all of my needs and to make the dress of my dreams was unbelievable.
Dorothy:
That's just so wonderful to hear. Because I know how challenging it must be to get into a shop even, before you even start for the dress, you've got to get into the shop. And we know that many dress shops unfortunately are not accessible. So to be able to find a designer that even comes to your house, because she realises that's an issue in the first place and then ticks all the other boxes is amazing.
Sian:
Even if you can get into the shop doesn't mean you'll get into the fitting rooms, especially if you need more space for the wheelchair and whomever is going to help you get into whatever you want to wear, otherwise you'd be out, sort of near the windows or with the rest of the patrons coming in. And it was a very nerve wracking process.
30:47
Dorothy:
I suppose designing a dress for you sitting is very different to designing a dress for someone who was standing. So it's wonderful that she was able to take that into consideration for you as well.
30:55
Sian:
Yeah, she was just very, very knowledgeable and even down to let's use this material instead, or how to finish the under clothes with this.
31:07
Dorothy:
I feel like you two had an epic Dream Team. You were just surrounded by amazing vendors. So the next vendor I wanted to chat about was your photographer because you said Gavin's a photographer. So that means your standards are pretty high. And you chose Figtree. Can you tell me about the choice of Fig Tree and Fig Tree Pictures and how you went about choosing them.
31:29
Gavin:
So as you said, it was always very important for us to have a photographer that we felt comfortable with. And again, we could tell them or not tell them but have them work with us to find things that met our needs. We wanted the photos to obviously be very personable and not look awkward and staged. Because it can be quite difficult to to take photos when one person is sitting one person is standing.
So that was something that we really wanted to work with them on. And they were so happy to accommodate that need. We were really sold on, or I was really sold on the consistent look of their photos and videography. So across multiple different shoots and locations, they were very consistent and everything seemed very, very, I don't want to say uniform and all of the same style.
But their photographers are just so on the money every single time. And I remember when we got our photos back, there was nearly 700 photos from the photographer and we're like, wow, this is more than we could ever expect from them. When we first met their team, it was two weeks out from our wedding. It was a rainy, gloomy, grey day when we were going for our engagement shoot, which was supposed to obviously be post shortly after our engagement, but due to pandemic and everything else that kind of got left right till the end. So the photographer, Camilla was just amazing. She was always prepared, had everything we needed for that day and then was always reaching out, going is there anything else you need? What else can we do to make this as easy as possible for you? And she just made it fun. Again, that fit our needs really well.
33:26
Dorothy:
Are there any other amazing standout vendors? You've given lots of rave reviews today, but any others that you'd like to give a shout out to, that helped your day.
33:35
Sian:
I think, another one for me would be Mitchell from Strictly Bridal Dance. He choreographed our first dance, and being in a wheelchair I never quite learnt how to dance comfortably for me. So that was probably the other aspect of our wedding that I was not looking forward to as much as aspects. But mum and dad got us dance lessons with Mitch for six weeks or something. We'd go over to his studio and down to watch. Because he actually did our dance but also my dance with my dad choreographed that also. So he pulled moves that worked for me, and what moves would work and then just created this masterpiece.
Gavin:
There were multiple nights that where we ended up pushing back the couch in the living room to make sure we knew the steps and got our practice in and made sure everything was on track.
Sian:
We had it nailed, until this one move where Gavin would tip my chair back and I'd sort of be resting on his knee. And then on the day of the wedding, on the video, you can see his face going oh because I'd slipped just down slightly. I didn't fall or anything, like nobody else noticed. It was just the two of us that we could laugh about later and just be able to look back on our wedding video and see that's - the lok on Gav's face...
Dorothy:
The impending doom!
Gavin:
Just a little bit further and this could have been really bad.
Dorothy:
Am I going to drop my wife?
35:35
Gavin:
Another stand out for me was was Cody from Bellingdale I know she... I don't believe she works there any longer. But the Bellingdale staff, just in general, were incredible. They were so, so accommodating for everything that we needed.
We had another guy there, one of Sian's friends who's recently come across some difficult times with his health. At the end of the day, or once Sian was finished in the bridal room, they basically converted that room into a dark room. So he could go into a space where he could break out and relax and unwind with his condition. So that was really important for us as well.
Sian:
But also being aware of any needs that we had prior too as well. They were really keen to understand what his motivations and needs were.
And our package actually came with three villas for the night. And our friends stayed in one of the villas, and they were "Okay, yeah, they're staying. We'll make another ramp". So just being so open to cater the needs of any of our guests, it was really great, which was really nice.
36:52
Dorothy:
That's amazing. And I think that's what I wanted to end the discussion with was, was talking to you about what it's like planning an accessible wedding or creating a wedding that is accessible for guests, because it's not something that is ever talked about. And I think it needs to be talked about. So let's start with the industry itself, did you come up against any barriers around planning a wedding that suited your needs?
37:19
Sian:
I think that from what I have found from both looking at venues and also attending weddings previously is - not sure what the legal requirements are, but I have come across many places that don't even have an accessible bathroom. So I've had to leave the wedding or find a servo or a McDonalds to then be able to go to the bathroom or I will just not have any liquids, and then I'd get a migraine at the end of the night. And, you know, because they haven't necessarily thought about inclusivity. So I think that asking the question will be a really great place to start around. Do you have any guests that have any disabilities or any special needs or any requirements, anyone who even has had a recent injury that might need some access considerations.
Any considerations really, making us and that question of priority to the couple who, they created a wedding with you. They have a lot of love for their guests and would want to make them feel as comfortable as possible. So I think that in terms of the way the industry and what they can do, ask the question, make sure that is compliant with having access ramps, bathroom, not just looking at that as an opportunity to have an extra storage space. I've also come across bathrooms that I couldn't use because they were just packed full boxes and things that they didn't need for that particular event.
39:12
Gavin:
And another thing that I've come across since maybe Sian was, even just pathways, you know, paved pathways are a big thing. Bellingdale again wasn't necessarily the most accessible venue for us in that sense because there was cobblestone paths and there was grass there was all these other different aspects there as well. But the main areas in which we needed to get around in, we could get around in, because there wasn't that crusher dust style pavement, it was paved, it was the actual material that was not going to degrade and fall away for us and Sian was in a white wedding dress. So the last thing you want to do is get that dirty. So that was... and being in her chair, you know, Sian's dresses on the light stuff does get dirty really easily from the wheels. The venue was great in that sense that there was, even in the event of rain, there was a different option for us that was out of the weather and wouldn't involve us getting on the grass. And wouldn't involve Sian getting into areas that would be too muddy and too... Trying to find another way here with muddy.
40:33
Dorothy:
You don't want to get stuck on your wedding day, do you, in the mud.
Gavin:
Yeah, exactly.
Dorothy:
What about to couples that... Because as we know, not every disability is visible. What do you have advice for in couples that are planning your day with a disability or do have access needs, when approaching planning a wedding?
40:53
Sian:
I think that just ask the question. A lot of times for me, I haven't said something. Because it's not about me, it's about them. But there's a conversation. Like, well actually, these people love me enough to have me at their wedding, why wouldn't I say hey, could I even speak to the venue myself? Or would you mind asking about having these requirements, would you mind asking if they have an accessible bathroom or whatever it is that your needs are.
I think communication is probably the most important thing and creating that dialogue, if it's for the couple, if you know somebody has any particular needs and asking, Okay, well what are they? Just taking it as an opportunity to learn more, to make that person feel really valued, and really wanted in that moment. And if you're a guest, just recognising that you've been invited for a reason. And your voice and your needs are really important. And it's not taking away from the couple and their day, because it's adding to it, because then they don't have to worry, or look back and look at what could I have done better or differently.
42:24
Dorothy:
And as we know, improving access for one person can improve it for everyone.
42:28
Gavin:
Exactly, it's not just people with disabilities that meet certain requirements, it's the elderly people at your wedding may actually need a ramp to get up, and so they may need a different form of access sort of seat or something to sit on. And it provides access for multiple different people.
42:46
Dorothy:
Yeah. So I touched on what venues could do and vendors could do in regards to accessibility and weddings. Is there anything you'd like to see shift in the industry around accessibility?
43:00
Sian:
I think so I would say be more forthright about asking the questions. We talk about so much about what the couple wants for their day. But then making, do you have any guests that have any accessibility requirements, whatever their needs may be, having that question from the outset, I think would be really helpful because it plants the seed as well, for the couple who, you know, may not have been on their mind at that point.
43:29
Gavin:
Not just that. It's also like having that information, readily accessible on websites, you know, having...
43:35
Dorothy:
It's not though, is it. It's so difficult to find.
43:39
Gavin:
It's so not! And you've really got to kind of dig in and we spend a lot of time on Instagram or on Facebook, looking at things like photos of...
Dorothy:
Squinting to see is there a ramp? Can you see a ramp?
Gavin:
All of these pretty photos at weddings and some of that really important information that we need to see about, is that threshold flat? Can we navigate that easily?
44:02
Sian:
How wide is the doorframe?
44:04
Gavin:
How wide are doorways, that sort of thing, you know accessibility requirements need to become more visible in this world.
44:13
Dorothy:
Yeah. Sorry, Sian, you were about to say something.
44:16
Sian:
And I think, being so willing to actually work with people when they do actually raise information that will be a requirement. Bellingdale did it really well. And I think that there are other venues that can really learn a lot from how they approached our situation and take that as a learning opportunity to really get into the nitty gritty and ask the questions and not just make an assumption that, they are compliant, they understand accessibility when it's not a box, it's about every person has different needs, and not making any assumptions.
44:53
Dorothy:
Yeah. So that's a really wonderful note to end on, apart from what I'm about to ask you next, because I feel like you've just given us so much amazing advice. And I'm really, really grateful for it because I think it's so important to hear it from the people who are experiencing it rather than anyone else. So thank you so much for that. What is next for you, two? What are your plans for the future? If you can plan in a pandemic, I realised this question is slightly odd in the middle of a pandemic.
45:18
Sian:
At the moment we're really busy with work, and I'm about to start my Master's, that work life balance, let's see where that goes. But I think for us we're really keen to, I think a lot of people after COVID are really keen to become healthier selves and the best versions of themselves. We want to be able to get out there and travel, but also to help take that next step and make it a family, maybe not like right now, in the future, as well.
45:56
Gavin:
And I think I really want us to get back to New Zealand and kind of reach out and do something that we wanted to do in New Zealand, but in a slightly different way now. You know, we were talking about, you know, how do we maybe get our family, some of our really close family over to New Zealand as a holiday together and then do a unique style dinner or something over there for us to really bring back that connection for somewhere that we found really beautiful.
46:28
Dorothy:
Oh, I love that. Well, thank you so much, both of you to taking the time today. It was such a wonderful chat, like you gave so much amazing information as well. And I really, really appreciate that.
Gavin:
Thanks so much.
Sian:
Thank you so much for having us.
Dorothy:
A big thank you to Gavin and Sian for taking the time to chat with us today. I'm so thankful that they're able to share so much amazing wisdom with us. You can find more about their day, including their photos and all of the vendor credits over on polkadotwedding.com forward slash podcast. We've also included some pieces that we've worked on with Sian over there, including how to have an accessible wedding. And this piece is must read if you're in the midst of planning your day. If you have enjoyed today's episode, we would love your ratings, your stars, your likes, your reviews, and any feedback you'd love to give us. We have so many amazing guests yet to come on our podcast and we would love your support so we can't wait for you to meet them. Keep tuning in. We'll be back soon.