The Feel Good Wedding Podcast by Polka Dot Wedding
The Feel Good Wedding Podcast by Polka Dot Wedding
#24: Dressing Your Wedding Party Without The Stress With Tessa Hartnett of Bridesmaids Only
Dressing your wedding party can be tricky, but it doesn’t have to be if you talk about the important stuff early on. Here with us today is Tessa Hartnett of Bridesmaids Only,, giving us tips on how to coordinate outfits without the stress!
Tessa is the owner of Bridesmaids Only, your one-stop shop for wedding party attire. With over 10,000 designs, they have a wide range of styles, colours, fabrics and sizes that cater to every body type. Their “Try Before You Buy” service is a godsend, allowing bridesmaids to try on outfits in the comfort of their own homes.
In this chat we discuss:
- About Bridesmaids Only
- Sensitive conversations with your wedding party
- When to start preparing wedding attire
- Who pays for wedding attire?
- Styling according to wedding theme
- Accommodating everybody’s preferences
- Future trends for wedding party outfits
Before you begin the shopping process, it’s important to discuss the budget and style preferences of your wedding party. Knowing all these details beforehand will make for a much smoother coordination of outfits. With that being said, allot around four to six months of preparation so you can have a good array of options.
There is no set rule for who should pay for the wedding attire. But generally, the bridesmaids and groomsmen purchase their own apparel that they are happy to keep in their wardrobes. If the couple insists on a certain style, they usually shoulder the costs for their wedding party.
When it comes to matching the wedding theme, a specific colour or fabric is a helpful starting point. Mixing and matching styles is another great option to accommodate multi-gendered parties. Never underestimate what flower bouquets can do to make a look cohesive!
Ultimately, each person will have their own taste. Respecting everyone’s choices so they can look and feel their best is key to dressing your wedding party.
Links & Vendors Mentioned:
Find Bridesmaids Only:
On Polka Dot Wedding: Bridesmaids Only
bridesmaidsonly.com.au
On Instagram: @bridesmaidsonly
On Facebook: Bridesmaids Only
On Pinterest: @TheOnlyCo
Find Dorothy & the Polka Dot Wedding team:
On Instagram: @polkadotwedding
On the website: polkadotwedding.com
For full transcript and show notes visit: polkadotwedding.com/podcast
Wedding pro? Join our membership here.
This podcast was produced by Polka Dot Wedding.
The Polka Dot Wedding team is honoured to conduct our work on the land of the BoonWurrung, WoiWorung, Eora and Kuring-gai people. We honour the traditional Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islanders custodians of the land and pay our respects to Elders past & present
Dorothy: If you're looking for an Australian wedding podcast that has it all, welcome to the Feel Good Wedding Podcast by Polka Dot Wedding. We have been talking weddings for 16 years and so what better place to go for a little bit more of those conversations to dive a little bit deeper, than a podcast. My name is Dorothy and I'm the founder and editor of Polka Dot Wedding and I love going beyond the details. The details are beautiful, they're pinnable, they're Instagrammable, but what we want to know about and what really drives us is the stories behind them. The vendors that bring it all to life. The couples who labor over every decision. That's what we want to know and we're really thrilled to dive into it all with you. Join us for the journey as we dive on in.
The Polkadot Wedding Team is honoured to conduct our work on the land of the BoonWurrung, WoiWurrung, Eora, and Kuring-gai people. We honor the traditional Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander custodians of the land and we pay our respects to Elder's past and present.
Welcome back to The Feel Good Wedding Podcast and yes, it has been a hot minute since we have been in your ears. We've had a lot going on in our team at Polka Dot Wedding. We have had every big life change you could possibly imagine. We've had moving house after over a decade, we've had travel, we've had endless illness, we've had so much happen, and as a really small team, we just could not get to the podcast. So we're back. We have a whole amazing array of guests lined up to chat with over the next few months, but we're going to adjust our schedule a little bit just while we're in this 'thick of busyness stage'. We're dropping our episodes back to once a month for a little while with a few bonus episodes in there, just so that as a team, we're not completely burning ourselves out and completely running ourselves ragged. We're really excited about the guests we've got coming up and we can't wait for you to meet them, including today's.
Today we are chatting with Tessa of Bridesmaids Only. We have worked with Tessa for so long at Polka Dot Wedding, and I really love what she stands for. She is a one stop shop for bridesmaid and wedding party attire and she has all these really cool things, so not only does she do extended sizing and have a huge array of colours and styles and patterns and everything you could imagine, she also has a really cool try on at home service so you can order the dresses that you want to try on and try them on in the comfort of your own home for a little fee and send them back, and there's no trying to coordinate people from all over the country into the one dress. It's really awesome. Wedding parties have changed a lot in the last couple of years as we've become more aware of diversity and we've gotten rid of the tradition of every bridesmaid and matron of honour and maid of honour has to be the exact same dress and stand and wear the exact same thing. I'm really looking forward to diving into that with Tessa today. So let's dive in and I can't wait to get started. Tessa, thank you so much for joining us on the feel good wedding podcast today. I can't wait to chat to you all about wedding parties. The first thing first, tell us all about yourself and the business that you have built with Bridesmaids Only.
Tessa Hartnett: Thank you and thank you for having me on your podcast. I have been a huge fan of Polka Dot Weddings for a very long time now, and I love being able to share our Bridesmaids Only story, which isn't just my story. I'm not sure if you remember, but Bridesmaids Only is, their story started seven years before me, so I purchased it from the original founder and I know she's got some blog posts on your website as well, but yeah, so I have an E-commerce background. I was already running multiple online stores and then we purchased Bridesmaids Only, which quickly took over my life in a good way, most of the time.
This brand is so different from the other niches I had been working on. It's so much more hands on, but it has allowed me to work with so many beautiful bridal parties, wedding parties, and amazing vendors and designers from all over the world. So I knew when we purchased it, that I really wanted to bring back the fun and playful element of planning a wedding. Picking your wedding outfit shouldn't be hard and it shouldn't be stressful, and I felt like it was when we took over the business; so many wedding parties would come stressed out and I thought that it should be exciting and fun. So we got to work trying to turn that around and we've spent many years investing in ranges, bringing out new designs and size inclusive ranges, custom made options, budget friendly options, and colours galore. We're always introducing new colours, and then we did the accessories to help make that fun, like the bridal robes. It's literally never ending and it's a journey. It's a fun one, but it is a journey.
Dorothy: This wasn't in our talked about questions, but I feel like wedding parties themselves have changed so much in that time, even since you took over let alone when the business started, the way that every bridesmaid used to be have to be a clone of each other. Now we're having different genders, different dresses. It's all changed so much. What changes have you seen like that?
Tessa Hartnett: Yeah, definitely. I think that everything goes at the moment. From having no wedding party to having massive wedding parties. I felt that COVID really changed the scene and I think it gave people permission to just do it their way. That became the saying, "My wedding, my way. My day, my way." I feel like a lot of people embraced micro bridal parties, wedding parties, and they just ran with what they had available because COVID really shut down a lot of things and it didn't break the industry. It gave people that permission to continue that after COVID.
Dorothy: I love seeing the personality through a wedding party. Let's start at the beginning because the wedding party is still quite a contentious issue of who pays for what and all that kind of thing. Where should we start when it comes to dressing our wedding party?
Tessa Hartnett: I think an open conversation. Before you look at anything as a wedding party in terms of what you're going to wear, I would get everyone to openly discuss all the points that could become awkward later because we see it too often. So your budget, that's usually the biggest stress point for people. Thoughts on mismatch versus mix and match versus everybody matching, the colours and the preferred styles, or is there anyone in the wedding party that is a definite no about something. A big one is sleeves, I would say for us. Is there anybody in the wedding party that definitely wants sleeves and how can we accommodate that? Having that discussion, I think up front, it's going to be uncomfortable, and it could be a little awkward because everybody has their own ideas, but having that before you even start the shopping process just means that everybody goes in on the same page and it just helps avoid conflict or pressure. There's a lot of pressure sometimes when it comes to the actual styling room if this hasn't been discussed in advance.
Dorothy: Yeah. So then it comes down to timing in how long should we start preparing and thinking about our wedding party attire in order to have enough time to order it and get all the pieces together and make sure everyone has something that fits, and all that kind of thing.
Tessa Hartnett: In regards to the wedding party themselves, I would say if you want to keep everybody relaxed, four to six months. This just allows you the most choice across all the designers and it gives you the time for alterations. If it's too far out, I find that couples sometimes have to change their mind because something else crops up whether they can't get the venue that they want or something else falls through and the theme might change so you don't want to be too far in advance or someone might fall pregnant or change their body shape. If you leave it too close, you eliminate quite a few designers or you end up with extra fees to get it rushed, or if you want to do custom made, that might not be an option anymore. Yeah. I think four to six months is a really good sweet spot.
Dorothy: Next, the contention issue because I know I see this in wedding forums every single day. Who should pay for wedding party attire or how do we decide who should pay because I know every wedding party is different?
Tessa Hartnett: That's right. It's such a good question and it definitely brings a lot of emotion. I see it in forums, we get hit with it as well and it goes back to what I was saying earlier about being really open from the get go and have these conversations before you start the shopping process. I don't think there's a right or wrong answer. I think it lies somewhere in the expectations of the couple getting married. For example, is the wedding party able to pick their own dress within a theme or a colour or we all as wedding party members going knowing that the couple are going to have some sort of theme or colour expectation, but if there's the flexibility to pick your own outfit.
Then in my experience I haven't had a wedding party not happy to pay for their own outfit because they can pick something that suits them that they love, that they will wear again. However, if the couple is set on a certain designer or a trending look, or a trending colour that the wedding party would not normally pick and might be hard to wear again, then in my experience, I found that the couple usually contribute or purchase the outfits. Wedding parties normally get their own shoes and things like that and that's fine and normal, but yeah, if they've got a set look or the budget, the outfit they've really got their heart set on for their wedding party is expensive. Then in my expectation, they're usually happy to contribute or purchase it for the wedding party.
Dorothy: Yep. I like your saying about there's no hard and fast rule because there really isn't because you also have to obviously take into consideration the budgets of your own wedding parties and their own financial positions and all of the above. It's not a black and white answer, is it really?
Tessa Hartnett: No, there's so many different facets to it.
Dorothy: When it comes to our wedding theme, we've decided on an amazing formal black tie wedding or a tropical wedding. How do we start looking for wedding attire that suits that wedding theme or that wedding look that we have in mind?
Tessa Hartnett: Good question. Yeah, if you've got your colour picked out, then start with that. Filter the outfits that are available in that colour, especially if it's a particular shade. If you've just got green, then you're going to still have a lot of options to filter through, but if you know that you want dusty sage green, then all of a sudden you may have a much smaller choice. Which is great because I think people get decision fatigue if there's too many. I would start with that or if you don't know what colour yet, you definitely want to go for that satin because you're trying to get that after five city look. Start by filtering down through there and then look at the designs that you know are going to suit the members of the wedding party and if you've already had a discussion with them, then you'll know approximate budgets, approximate styles and designs that are going to work that you can then present to them or look together as a group so that you can make the decision process quicker. We love, and by love, we are obsessed with finding the right designs for each member of the wedding party.
We often have people drop into our DMs on Instagram and it doesn't mean that they purchase through us, doesn't bother us, but they'll give us what they're looking for, especially if they're struggling and we can start flicking them pictures. If we can't find it, I have recommended other designers before that we don't stock if I know it's exactly what they're looking for. We have our finger on the pulse with what designers are doing, it's just something that we love doing and we have access to over 10,000 designs across the design as we do stock. We don't stock them all on our site because our site would have a meltdown, but we do know what options are out there. If you can't find something or you've got a particular theme look in mind. Most designers are the same. Jump into their DMs, tell them what you're looking for and let us help eliminate for you and give you options. You will quickly find that you actually probably had a lot more perimeters in place than you thought, I've sent designs before and they're, "Oh, sorry. No, we do want floor length" or "We do want this", or "We don't want that." You'll find that you refine what you're looking for a whole lot quicker.
Dorothy: It's 2023, so we're not doing everyone wearing the same thing anymore, necessarily. If they're all in this, if they're all in different body types, different styles, which generally, we have groups of friends, they're all different. Where do we get started with having everyone choose what works for them and everyone having something that they feel amazing in as they should when they're part of our wedding party?
Tessa Hartnett: You know what, when I saw the list of questions, this was my favourite because it is the rarest. I think people overlook a lot. You nailed it when you said what works for them and I totally get that it is the couple's day, it is their dream wedding, they have been planning this, and they're so excited for it and it is. It is their day, but their wedding party are real humans and they have their insecurities and they want to look beautiful and shine on your special day as well. We've just had so many bridal parties that get upset secretly. We're like little flies on the wall during appointments and so we can see it.
I just think it is something that probably should be a lot more important, is making sure that everybody in the wedding party feels their absolute best. I would say, yeah, asking, again, just asking. You can do it individually as well so that everybody feels comfortable like, "Is there any particular design? Can you send me designs that you love, that that you've already worn to other events, formal events where you really felt good so that we can use that as a baseline?" You can book multiple appointments with different stylists to start trying on different fabrics, different cuts. We have a try before you buy service where you can do that from home so you can order different designer's dresses, have them delivered to your home, try them on, work out what you feel the most comfortable in. Let the couple know and then start working together as a group to get that look that the couple still really wants for their wedding day, but makes everybody feel very comfortable.
Dorothy: Because you don't actually have to subjugate the comfort of your wedding party for the aesthetic perfection that I think so many strive for, do you? You can have it both.
Tessa Hartnett: Absolutely. There are so many designs out there now of all different cuts and shapes and colours that there is definitely a way to make it work for everybody so that everybody's happy.
Dorothy: We're also now saying, apart from the fact that we're having mismatched attire, more wedding parties where not only are the members not all interested in wearing gendered attire, so women in dresses, men in suits, but where different genders and those who identify as different genders are on different sides of the party or of the wedding party itself. So the groom might have a groom's woman or if he identifies as a groom; or might have different genders on his side and if there's a bride might have different genders on their side. One of the questions I also see are coming up in wedding forums is how do you make that look cohesive in a way that works and is aesthetic, where everyone is in different suits and dresses and all that kind of thing?
Tessa Hartnett: That's where a colour really helps if you start with a colour. I see that a lot, particularly like navys and blacks that helps blend very, very easily if you want that cohesive look and it is a really tough one.
Dorothy: I think I've seen a lot of hues look, so it's not even necessarily one colour, it's like a colour palette of earthy colours or a colour palette of the different greens, that kind of amazingly, beautifully, I couldn't do it, I'm sure they're very much more skilled than I work together and somehow looks cohesive because one will have a green dress and then someone will have a tie that picks up that green and I think there are ways of pulling it together aren't there.
Tessa Hartnett: Yeah, there's definitely lots of different options out there. If you're very happy to do the mismatched or a mix and match, then it is easy. That can be fun. You can accommodate everybody then.
Dorothy: So I think the key is, put people in what they're comfortable in, ignore the same, same stuff.
Tessa Hartnett: Yeah, it doesn't matter then if it's genders or if someone's concerned about their back or their arms or not having boobs or having too big boobs. Doesn't matter because everybody can find something that is perfect for them. It's definitely been the biggest thing that has changed in the last few years, and it's just made it so much easier as a stylist to help accommodate everybody, but if you do want that unison look, instead of doing mismatch, you can do mix and match, which is where you can get the same design from the waist down in the same fabric, same colour, same designer, if you want, and then it's just the top halves that are different. Which means it can be, they're often designed to suit different body shapes then. You can do that and keep that unison look or by picking exactly the same colour, which makes it a whole lot easier if you've got different genders in your wedding party, then you can go for your navies, your blacks, your greens, your dark emerald greens. That looks amazing. Burgundies. There's just so many different options in those jewel style tones that will help keep it cohesive if that's what the couple would prefer.
Dorothy: Also not that it's a tie thing, but I think flowers pull it together as well. In the other end, you can always have matching bouquets, etc., to make that cohesiveness come to life.
Tessa Hartnett: Yes. It's amazing how much a bouquet can change the look of a wedding party.
Dorothy: Especially if you're picking up different colours that they're wearing and they're different, it brings everything together. I think it's just that finishing touch.
Tessa Hartnett: Yes, for sure. What the florists do these days with the bouquets are amazing. They've even changed so much. I sit there spending way too much time on Instagram just looking at the flowers now.
Dorothy: I know. I know. They're amazing. If I'm a bridesmaid and I'm not interested in a dress or I'm a groomsman, I'm not interested in a suit are there options out there for me?
Tessa Hartnett: Yeah, I can speak more on the bridesmaid side and yes, the designers are definitely expanding their ranges. Quickly, I would say you've got your jumpsuits, you've got pantsuits, and now you've also got your two piece sets, which is going to allow for the mixing and matching of having that same top half, but then either going for a pant or a full length skirt on the bottom and still keeping it unison. We have our in house label and we can custom make those dresses. That means we take your actual measurements, which means I've got way more flexibility to fit out all the different types of body shapes that might come our way.
Dorothy: Awesome. We talk a lot about extended sizing on Polka Dot Wedding because there isn't a lot out there in visibility for those who are perhaps not in store sizes. How can we ensure or what are your recommendations for accommodating those diverse body types when you do have someone who is, say a size 8 and a size 22 and making sure that everyone is in the wedding party is happy? Does it just come back to choosing different dresses?
Tessa Hartnett: It can. There are definitely some unicorn, I call them unicorn, designs that I feel fit 90% of body shapes. It just comes down to then people's personal preference of what they're happy, if they want sleeveless or if they are happy with a v neck, but yes, it definitely makes it easier. We go from size double 0 to size 30.
Dorothy: Which is awesome and very rare still nowadays.
Tessa Hartnett: With most of our designers, I would say, including our own in house range. It's going to be again, like it always circles back to that line of communication, making sure that everybody's on the same page so that nobody feels left out. When we take appointments for wedding parties, we usually get them to pick a collection of dresses or pantsuits that they would like to try on in advance. That just allows us to get the styling process started before they even arrive, so that when the wedding party arrives, we have a lot more information that we're working with and we can have designs ready to go in the fitting room that make everybody feel included and comfortable. There's nothing worse than rocking up to an appointment and realising that a lot of the designs you want aren't available in the sizes, the colours, the shapes that you really had your heart set on. It does make people feel excluded. We like to do that, especially because we have the try before you buy where we're shipping a lot of our showroom dresses out. We want to make sure that when you book your appointment, we have everything there ready to go so that everybody can have fun. Everybody can try things on and yeah, it just makes a much more relaxed and fun experience.
Dorothy: I suppose then the key also is, if we're working with our wedding party to make sure that we're checking with the store before we go, that they do have all the sizes so that someone isn't excluded. It's really difficult as a plus size person to go into a store and if you're not happy with the attire, but then four other people in the wedding party are, to speak up. I feel like you and I have talked about that of making sure you pay attention to how everyone feels in those dresses because it's really difficult to speak up if you're feeling uncomfortable and everyone else is okay.
Tessa Hartnett: Yes, I say it on so many wedding party faces and it's really hard to not want to intervene. I know there's so many options out there or even just if the wedding party can be a bit more conscious of everybody. It doesn't even have to be the plus size to feel like this. I've had so many wedding parties that where the bridesmaid is a double 0 and she can't fill out a dress the same way the size 18 girl can, who looks amazing in it. Then this thing where it's, "Oh, but everybody loves that dress." She feels so uncomfortable on so many different sides, even with us, we've even had a customer who was transitioning and they thankfully told me in advance their concerns so that we could make sure that when they were trying the dresses that they wanted to wear on, it was suitable for where they would be come the wedding time.
Dorothy: So they didn't have to have that awkward conversation in the shop. That's a brilliant idea. Good on them.
Tessa Hartnett: Yes. They can be part of it and they know that they're trying on things that aren't going to make them feel uncomfortable. I think it's letting your stylists know, ringing the shops before you go, even if it's not an appointment and you're just going browsing. Ringing in advance, making sure, like you said, that they stock exactly what you know your wedding party are going to need.
Dorothy: So when it does come to for people of the wedding party loving a dress, including perhaps the bride or the groom and someone who is, "Nah, I can't wear this. I feel awful in it" and everyone is pushing. How do we as a couple or the bride or the groom or whoever it is, navigate that difficulty in those relationships when it's just so hard to figure out something that will suit everyone?
Tessa Hartnett: I think you need to have the stylist that can help navigate that right then and there before everybody does get their heart set on because once they leave and they're they're sold on something it's a lot harder because then you got to go back to the start all over again. Catching it in the moment is a good one. Even if it's not the stylist, if it's someone in the wedding party that's noticed, hopefully they have the courage to turn around and say, "Look, I think we can do better." That's usually what I'll say. I'll say, "I think we can do better. I think we can find something that's just like that that's going to suit everybody." Then I start giving alternative options.
Dorothy: So you actually more a bit of a counsellor then in some ways because you're watching everyone's faces and everyone's body language, and trying to navigate this for them without them really realising.
Tessa Hartnett: Yes. I try really hard to do it in a way that's very very subtle. I do watch everybody's face as closely as I can without looking strange. Body language says a lot and in the excitement of trying things on, a lot of the wedding party won't notice. I think it's our job to turn around and make sure we are focused on each person in the wedding party, including the bride or groom and watching their face because they will also have a point when they sometimes see a particular person in a dress and don't feel like that's going to suit their wedding. I might just ask a few questions or I'll try and help. I'll say, "Oh, how about I take you back in. I don't think that's sitting quite right. Let's jump back in the change room and I'm going to fix that for you." Then I can secretly try and have a word and get a bit more information that way.
Dorothy: Yeah. I feel like that's another plus then for going to a specialised wedding attire store then. Look, High Street has amazing options, but you're not going to get that same consideration of everyone's emotions and feelings, and political stuff that comes with a wedding party.
Tessa Hartnett: Yes. And sending videos in. If you have to do the try at home, then you can take videos and send them in of doing spins. We don't use them for anything, they're just for us to be able to turn around and say, "Yes, that's sitting correct." Or "No, it's not." Especially with Australia, the country is massive and wedding parties are spread from one end to the other. The best way then to do it is just to take those photos and videos and send them in.
Dorothy: Perfect. I love that. Let's finish this off with something fun. What do you think we'll see after COVID throwing everything up in the air and the wedding world changing so much in the last 10 years? What do you think we'll see in the coming years when it comes to wedding party attire?
Tessa Hartnett: That is fun. Honestly, what I love is that I don't know. The rules are gone. The rules are gone and I keep seeing new things every day that I love that blow my mind, and that I never thought we would be here, at the moment, the mixing and matching of neon colours or the pastel colours. I love it, but I never thought we would get back to that. I remember fuchsia pink being a thing a long time ago and then everyone cringing at it when they look back, and now we're here again and it's great. It's so fresh and vibrant and probably what we need after COVID, and now with the economy and everyone being unsure, it's fun. Everyone's playing. I love that everybody is playing at the moment. There's no rules. They're gone.
Dorothy: Maybe that's what COVID has brought back to weddings, is a sense of the fun. We've always been advocating, if the tradition doesn't work, don't worry about it, but that sense of fun has really come into weddings now.
Tessa Hartnett: I'm hoping we don't see the big puffy lace, lace sleeves, grandma curtains, like those ones that you see coming through as funny memes.
Dorothy: I bet we will. We've got the big puffy sleeves now and they were what in the eighties, but now they're cool. They've re imagined them.
Tessa Hartnett: Let's not go with that. All the lace and the grandma curtains, if we could leave those.
Dorothy: Have you got any final tips for this strange navigational journey it is to dress our wedding party?
Tessa Hartnett: Stop stressing. Honestly, I think you can now get the exact look that you would like in the budget that you would like as long as you are open with everybody and just try and have fun with it. Bring back the fun, please. Don't make it something that you guys are all stressed about.
Dorothy: Ultimately your wedding doesn't have to be picture perfect. It just has to be yours and reflect you and the people you love and then it's going to be picture perfect.
Tessa Hartnett: The pictures are perfect when everyone is happy and smiling. They are the most beautiful wedding party pictures that we get back is when everybody is just having fun and smiling and they're all just loving the moment.
Dorothy: I agree. I agree. Those are our favourites as well. Thank you so much for sharing all of your amazing wisdom with us and our listeners today, Tessa.
It's been such a delight finally chatting with you.
Tessa Hartnett: Anytime. I love it.
Dorothy: A big, beautiful thank you to Tessa from Bridesmaids Only for being a very special guest today. You can of course find out more about Tessa and her wonderful business over on weddingpodcast.com.au or head to polkadotwedding.com and hit the podcast tab. We have a special episode guide over there for you with all the links and a full written transcript of today's episode.
We'll be back in a while with another episode, we promise this time, and we can't wait to hear what you think. Make sure you drop us an email, send us a message because we'd love to hear from you. We can't wait to be back very soon.